


Innocent Merriment

by bornforwar_archivist



Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: Episode: s02e08 Ten Little Warlords, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-31
Updated: 2006-12-31
Packaged: 2018-10-02 03:08:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10208105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bornforwar_archivist/pseuds/bornforwar_archivist
Summary: By CorbCorb likes to fill in gaps so this is what she thinks happened when Ares went to have that word with Hades after "Ten Little Warlords".





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Delenn, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Born For War](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Born_For_War), which closed in 2015. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in March 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Born For War collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bornforwar).  
> \--  
> Disclaimer: These characters have only been borrowed from Pacific Renaissance and have now been returned to them.
> 
> Warnings: A little bit of slight violence.
> 
> Ratings: PG
> 
> Authors Notes: None
> 
> Summary: I like filling in gaps so this is what I think happened when Ares went to have that word with Hades after "Ten Little Warlords." I am assuming this does not need spoiler space but if you haven't seen the XWP eps "Intimate Stranger" or "Ten Little Warlords" you can stop now.You get extra brownie points towards your Trivia badge if you know which song the title is taken from - and why.

"GOOD MORNING, HADES!" Ares said brightly, right into Hades' ear. Hades jumped awake and out of bed. A very, very angry God of War faced him. His sword was drawn and cradled across his chest.

"What do you want Ares?" Hades demanded. He looked back at his wife to check she wasn't hurt. "You could show a little consideration."

"Under the circumstances, not blasting the moment I see you is consideration!" Ares swung the sword at Hades' head. Hades vanished and reappeared on the far side of the bed. Ares threw a bolt at him. Hades ducked. It blew a hole in the wall behind him. The shock knocked a vase of flowers over which rolled off the dressing table and smashed.

"Oh great." Hades snapped. "Fighting an unarmed god. Just wait till I get my armour on." He threw a return bolt. Ares sidestepped and vanished. The bolt destroyed a wall hanging. Ares brushed bits of burning cloth off him.

Hades was now fully dressed and armed with his spear. The two gods squared up to each other.

Persephone stepped between them. "Stop this NOW!" She commanded. "I am not having a brawl in my bedroom."

"Hi Persephone", Ares said. "My. My. Married life does suit you", he added appreciatively. "You've filled out."

Hades bristled. Persephone ignored the remark and turned on her husband. "Continue with this and I go back to Mother."

"But honey-lips you only just got here. Anyway, he started it."

"I mean it, Hades. You fight in here. I pack."

Hades recognised the implacable look in his love's eyes and gave in. He pulled the spear to the vertical.

Ares was laughing his head off. Persephone focused on him. "Ares. What is this fuss all about?" She asked, in the patient but determined tones of a parent settling a children's squabble. There was something which reminded him of Demeter. Maybe it was the expression in her eyes and the set of her jaw. "I will have to tell Mother why I'm back early", she added.

That allowed his tactical sense to control his anger. A hurt Persephone was about the one thing in the universe that could bring about a truce between Demeter and Hades. Taking on Hades was one thing but an enraged Demeter was something else. Look at the way she freaked out when Hades wanted to marry the girl. He cradled his sword and folded his arms across his chest.

"Ask him" he said, sulkily.

"What did I do?"

"You let Sisyphus out...."

"Why would I do that?"

"...and agreed if he gave you the souls of ten warlords he could keep my sword."

"What? How did he get hold of your sword?"

"I don't know. Stole it. That's not the point. The point is you were going to let him keep my godhood. I have just spent four days as a mortal. I was nearly killed."

Ares shuddered very slightly at the memory of swinging head down over a raging fire with sharp spikes closing in from both sides. "Now you're going to pay."

"Who said I made a deal with Sisyphus?"

"Sisyphus."

"Sisyphus is pushing a rock in Tartarus. I'll show you."

"He may be now. He wasn't four days ago."

"Of course he was. The dead don't just leave here you know. And after all the trouble Sisyphus caused me and my sister Celesta trying to get him here, do you really think I am going to let him out?"

"He had my sword! He tried to kill me!" Ares shouted. He swung the sword at Hades' head. Hades parried with his spear.

"HADES. I MEAN IT!" yelled Persephone.

"Yes, dear. Ares, follow me."

Hades reappeared on the landing quay by the Styx. There was an open area for arrivals to wait until they could be processed which was mostly empty. Charon had just finished unloading the latest boatload. "Keep moving. Down the path to your left." he chanted. "Hi boss", he said.

"You're up early. Someone special due in? I mean Persephone's hasn't been here a week yet."

Ares appeared behind Hades. "Hi Ares. Long time. No see. What brings you down here? Looking up a few old warlords? Come to check on Callisto? Got your sword back I see."

"Let's finish this." Ares snarled and charged at Hades. Hades defended himself.

Charon settled himself down to watch. "Peanuts would be good with this." He muttered, "Or popcorn. Use your left, boss. Use your left. Maybe get a nice mug of ale."

Hades stepped back from the fight and threw a bolt. Ares flew through the air and landed in an untidy heap. He picked himself up shaking his head to clear it.

He held up a hand to Hades "Hang on." he said. He walked over to Charon.

"Uh oh." Charon muttered. "Well can't sit here all day. Time for the next trip around the lighthouse. Before he could get aboard his boat Ares grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and lifted him off the ground.

"How did you know my sword was missing? Who told you?" he demanded.

"Hey how does anyone know anything? Rumour, gossip, innuendo. I keep my ear to the ground. Well, not from here, of course. Pretty difficult to get your ear to the ground from this height." Charon mumbled hoarsely.

Ares shook him. "Who told you?"

"Hey boss. Shouldn't you be protecting me or something?"

"Answer the question." Hades said with a half smile.

"Sisyphus." Charon almost whispered.

"I didn't hear that" Ares yelled.

"Sisyphus" Charon shouted back. "Sisyphus told me. OK?" Ares dropped him and he landed heavily. Ares' foot planted firmly on his chest stopped him getting to his feet again.

"Boss, tell him to let me up. There'll be a queue and I'll have to work twice as hard to catch up."

"There are worse things that can happen to you than a little extra rowing." Ares said, caressing Charon's neck with his sword point. "Did you let Sisyphus out?"

"Me? No. Why would I? The Boss wouldn't like it. There are other ways in and out of here, you know. You do know. That's how you let Callisto loose. Boss. Please. Do something. It's a very big sword."

"Isn't it? And it's so sharp. It can slice through anything." Ares said lovingly as he slid the point slowly down Charon's chest until he had the ferryman's total attention.

"Hey. Where's your sense of humour? I mean you tied up with Xena... Callisto... whatever... sooner or later and she got you out of trouble. Do you know anyone who's gone up against Xena and won? Even you ...from what I heard from the real Atrius." He sniggered. Ares applied a little pressure.

Hades' spear point rested against Ares' chest. "Back off." he said. "Charon reminded me. I wanted a word with you about that Xena/Callisto trick."

Ares stepped back. The God of the Underworld's eyes were chips of sapphire ice and, he didn't like to admit this, scary.

Hades continued. "Interfering in my domain is not allowed, nephew. I don't go round starting wars, do I?"

"No."

Charon decided to assist. "What's the problem? You've got your sword now. Sisyphus is pushing his rock. Xena's got her body back... and what a body... No harm done. Can't you take a little joke?"

"Making me mortal was not a 'little joke'" Ares roared. Ares picked Charon up, swung him around his head and threw him as far as he could downstream. As Charon flew through the air Ares hit him with a couple of bolts, listening with great satisfaction to the yelps of pain, and the enormous splash.

"That's enough, Ares!" Hades ordered. "Any more and I take this to Zeus. You came down here and played with souls in my care. Did Xena deserve what you did to her? Or was that meant to be a little joke too?"

"No." Ares said. "She didn't deserve it. And she helped me anyway." The anger left him replaced by the memory of Xena bandaging his wound and the further recollection of the pleasant sensation he got every time he saw her. He had always defined that as anticipation of conflict but, was it love?

"Give my apologies to Persephone, will you?"

"No need." Persephone said, appearing herself. "But thank you for the thought."

"Were you watching, love muf...lover?" Hades asked gently.

"Of course. I didn't want you getting hurt. And I like watching you handle things."

She kissed Hades. He kissed her right back.

A very wet and very, very bedraggled Charon dragged himself out of the Styx at their feet and spat water over the sand. "That wasn't fair" he mumbled into the puddle he was forming on the shore. I hate water. I can't swim. I had to walk back."

He felt the combined stare of the two gods looking incredulously at him. He glanced up.

"Who said anything had to be fair?" Ares asked.

"It was about time you had a bath. Some of the dead were beginning to complain about the smell." Hades added.

Ares looked at Hades and Persephone with their arms around each other and thought of Xena. He said quietly. "I have a promise to keep. I'm sorry. " He vanished.

"The dead don't have a sense of smell." Charon finally worked out the insult.

Hades raised an eyebrow at him "Exactly." he said. "Now there are ten little warlords waiting to cross over. Do you want to fetch them or shall I?"

"No, that's OK boss, I'll do it."

Charon rowed across to collect his next set of passengers and launched into his spiel. "OK. Welcome to the Other Side. Keep in line. No pushing. Make sure any weapons are safely sheathed. Have your fare ready. Take your seats from the front. Once we're moving keep your hands inside the boat."

* * *

Ares found Xena and Gabrielle walking on the beach. Maybe it was his recent experience of being mortal. Maybe it was Xena's remark about him being not merely mortal but human at times. Or maybe it was the relief of seeing Gabrielle back to being her irritating blonde self, that for once, he listened to what she said, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to interrupt their conversation. So he cancelled the big production number he had planned for giving Xena her body back. He stood invisibly on the shore and blew a kiss at the retreating back. "Thanks Xena." He whispered, so quietly he almost didn't hear it. And there she was. He saw Gabrielle turn and hug her friend and Xena hug her back and felt what? The satisfaction of having done the right thing? He shook himself and decided to see how the Thracian War was going. It had been pretty bloody six days ago.

* * *

Persephone felt very pleased with herself. Her first supper party was going well. The food had been good. Aphrodite had complimented her on the way she had brightened up the place and Hades. He looked wonderful. It had been so hard to get him out of black and into crimson but it was such a good colour for him. The new copper crown she had commissioned from Hephaestus - a simple chased band set with three faceted ovals of hematite - finished the outfit of dark crimson leather trousers with a crimson and copper brocade tunic and copper sash admirably. She was very tempted to throw her guests out early and get Hades out of his new clothes, but it was such a change to have people over. They had plenty of evenings on their own.

They had moved from the table to drape themselves over the couches and watch Hades replaying the recent events involving the ten warlords, Ares, and Xena. The story was nearly at the end. Ares picked up his sword. Gabrielle said, "You promised Xena her body back!" Ares replied, "Yeah. I did. Didn't I?" and faded out laughing.

"That is way not fair!" Aphrodite exclaimed. "Even for Ares! She just saved his life."

"Dite. He does switch her back. Look." Hephaestus said. trying to calm her. The final picture showed Ares' face caught between emotions which in anyone else would be love and regret. The vision square went black and disappeared.

"Way to go Hades!" Dite crowed. She swayed across the room and kissed him. "You out-manipulated the great manipulator. I can't wait to tell Cupie and..."

"No! Dite! Please." Persephone cried. "You can't. It'll only cause more trouble."

Aphrodite pouted.

"There's a few things I don't understand." Hephaestus interjected, looking puzzled. "Who stole Ares' sword? How did they do it? And why did you let Sisyphus out?"

"Duh! Heffie! Think." demanded his wife, rolling her eyes upwards. Persephone looked proudly at her husband.

"Hades?" asked the Smith God tentatively.

"You got it sweet cheeks"

"But how?"

"Well you should know. You made it."

"His Helmet of Invisibility, of course. Even a god can't see him when he wears that!"

"And I didn't let Sisyphus out." Hades chipped in. "That was Charon, helped by my illusion. Ares was mortal so he couldn't see through the magic and Xena believed Sisyphus was tricky enough to escape me. I suppose being trapped in Callisto's body helped her believe that. Charon really enjoyed himself."

"But Ares could have been killed!" Hephaestus said, full of concern for his brother.

"Not really." Persephone said gently.

"I made sure he had Xena to help him." Hades added. "I boosted the emotional effect of Ares' absence on Gabrielle a little. I knew Xena couldn't watch her best friend get so close to killing without doing something to stop her."

"I suppose Ares deserved it." Hephaestus sighed. "But it really achieve anything? Xena's right when she said all bets were off once he got his godhood back."

"Yes. I got everything I wanted." Hades explained. "With Xena in her body and Callisto in Tartarus my inventory is straight again. Ten of Ares' best warlords are dead so their armies won't be killing anyone until they sort out who is the new warlord. Wars have stopped, apart from a few skirmishes, because the soldiers were too busy squabbling among themselves. Ares was human for a little while. He may have learned something from the experience. And most importantly, I have caught up on my backlog so Persephone and I...."

"...can have a few days quality time for ourselves." Persephone finished his sentence and hugged her husband. He bent his head down and kissed her. She turned into his embrace and kissed back.

Aphrodite smiled at the couple and held out her hand to her own lover. "Time we were leaving." Hephaestus took hold and she pulled him close.

"Paphos has some great waves this time of year." she said. "Try it."

Persephone pulled away from the kiss and rested her head against Hades' chest. "Maybe we will." she said.

Aphrodite laughed "And maybe you won't," she thought.

"Can I have a copy of that story" she asked, winsomely. Hades shook his head. "Just the bit where Ares is nearly shish-kebabed then?"

"Dite! NO!" Hephaestus commanded. "Goodnight Hades. Thank you, Persephone." He took his wife away in a shower of sparks.

Hades looked down at Persephone. "Do you want to go to Paphos?" he asked.

"Not right now." she answered, sliding her arms around his neck. "Right now I think you should take your new tunic off before it gets creased."

 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Still wondering about the title? Or did you figure it out?
> 
> It's the chorus from the Mikado's song from THE MIKADO by Gilbert and Sullivan.
> 
> My object all sublime  
> I will achieve in time  
> To make the punishment fit the crime  
> The punishment fit the crime  
> And make each prisoner pent  
> Unwillingly represent  
> A source of innocent merriment  
> Of innocent merriment.


End file.
